Best Online Couples Therapy in California: What to Look For
If you and your partner are considering couples therapy, congratulations. Most couples wait an average of six years after problems start before they get help. The fact that you're looking is already the hard part.
Now the question is who to work with. Here's what to look for in a virtual couples therapist in California, and what actually makes couples work different from individual therapy.
Look for Gottman training
The Gottman Method is the most researched approach to couples therapy in the world. It's not the only good approach, but it's the one with the most evidence behind it, and therapists who've done Gottman Levels 1 and 2 have gone through real training on how to work with couples, not just individuals sitting next to each other.
Both therapists at Casa Flow are Gottman-trained (Levels 1 and 2).
Ask how they handle the hard stuff
Couples therapy is not a place to be polite. If you and your partner are stuck, the therapist needs to be able to slow the conversation down, interrupt the pattern, and help you say what's underneath the fight. Ask a potential therapist how they handle high-conflict moments in session. If the answer is vague, keep looking.
Virtual couples therapy actually works better for a lot of couples
You'd think couples therapy would need to be in person. It doesn't. In some ways virtual is better. You can do sessions from home, which means no coordinating two schedules to drive somewhere. You can do sessions from separate locations if one of you travels. And a lot of couples say they open up more from their own space than from a stiff office couch.
What a first session looks like
The first session is mostly information gathering. Your therapist will ask about your relationship history, what's bringing you in, what you've tried, and what you want to be different. You won't solve anything in one session. You'll leave with a sense of whether the therapist gets you and whether the approach fits.
The therapist should be neutral
A good couples therapist is on the side of the relationship, not either partner individually. If you start feeling like the therapist is taking sides, that's a problem. Say something. If it doesn't shift, find someone else.
Know the cost up front
At Casa Flow, couples sessions are $200 for 50 minutes out of pocket. If you're using insurance, most couples pay a copay after their deductible. Note that not all insurance plans cover couples therapy the way they cover individual therapy, so it's worth checking with your plan before you start. We can help you figure that out on the consultation.
Both partners have to want to be there
Couples therapy doesn't work if one person is being dragged in. That doesn't mean both of you need to be 100% sure it'll help. It just means both of you need to be willing to show up and try. If your partner is resistant, sometimes starting with individual therapy for yourself is the right first move.
What to expect over time
Most couples come in weekly for the first couple of months, then space out sessions as things stabilize. Some couples come in for a specific issue (a fight that keeps repeating, a rupture that needs repair, a major life transition) and wrap up in 8 to 12 sessions. Others stay longer because they want ongoing support. Either is fine. Your therapist should check in regularly about your goals.
Ready to start?
Casa Flow Therapy offers virtual couples therapy across California. We're Gottman-trained, in-network with Aetna, Cigna, UnitedHealthcare, Optum, and BCBS, and available in English, Spanish, and Armenian.
Book a free 15-minute consultation and we'll help you figure out if we're a fit.
